Location: Naples, Florida
Date: 9/23/2006
Mission: Get Hitched

(Diary of a Mad Woman):
1/22/06: "I just think the simpler it is, the better. We'll keep the ceremony small and the guest list short. No attendants. I mean, it's only fifteen minutes long! The rest of the time will be spent getting pictures done. Now, I must go grocery shopping."

1/30/06: "(sigh). Perhaps I should start thinking about invitations? Hmmm. Seems silly. Only fourteen people coming--can't I just call them for the invitation? What should I wear? It would be silly to buy some fancy dress I'll only wear once, and it will cut into my budget. I know! A sari! I'll wear a sari. Good, that's done. Decision made. Barefoot and a sari."

2/05/06: "Yup, I AM going to wear a sari"

2/10/06: "Was kidnapped by my friend Drunk Dialer. She started to get teary about my wedding. She got tearier than I was. Then, I started to get teary. Then, she forced me into the car at lighter-point and dragged me to a bridal store. She FORCED me to start trying on dresses. A couple of things happened:
1. I didn't freak out like I did the last time I went to a bridal store alone.
2. The dresses actually fit.
3. I looked beautiful.
4. I felt beautiful.
5. I don't wear socks with my sneakers so the whole dressing room stank like bad feet.
6. Drunk Dialer saw me in my underwear and also helped adjust my breasts in the wierd bras made for gowns.
7. Any other time, this would have disturbed me, but that day, it was a relief to have a friend help me.
8. OMIGOD I'M GETTING MARRIED!

So, now: must go to several wedding boutiques for gowns. Look at invites. Think about bouquet and additional flowers. Who's going to do hair and makeup? Veil or flower wreath? Silk wrap with dress? Perhaps a little jacket? Hmmm. Need to lose more weight. No shoes for wedding...WILL BE MARRIED BAREFOOT! Do I like tulle? How about taffeta? Beads or no beads? Michael will have to get a tux. Will he get a white tux? A European tux? Oh, hell..."

2/11/06: Wedding shower planned for August 26th, hosted by Drunk Dialer and the Estrogen Fishbowl. Awesome!

Wedding shower to be arranged in Kentucky by my future in-laws. Awesome!

Post wedding celebration to be arranged by parents in October. Awesome!

Wait. Do I have enough clothes for the honeymoon? Where are we going? Oh, yeah, St. Lucia. What resort? How much? DAD, WE NEED MORE MONEY! Okay, stop freaking. STOP FREAKING. It's fine. I've got seven months. Seven....SEVEN?? ONLY SEVEN MONTHS??? NEVERMIND! Start freaking! Get it together! Mom...wanna go look at gowns with me? Oh, shew, she said 'yes'. Good. Man, am I glad Drunk Dialer talked me out of a sari. I looked thin and perfect in a ballgown. I can't wait to be Michael's wife."

2/13/06: "Joined a healthclub. Will lose seventy pounds in seven months. No. How about forty? Can I do forty? Oooo, they have massage therapy! And a sauna! If I sit in a sauna for forty minutes, won't I sweat out a pound? What's the trick with the club membership? You pay and then you lose? No? I have to work out, too? Okay....serenity now. Serenity now. Think about the dress. Think about the sunset. Think about the LIVE VIOLINIST who will be there, playing for the most important ceremony in your life. Think about your soon to be husband, and the look on his face when he sees me---his beautiful bride. My God, My God, thank You for these days and moments. Let me be perfect for Michael."