Something is terribly wrong in the universe. At least, in the small snatch of universe over my head. Because there has been an implosion of sorts, and the consequences are shimmering forth like a geyser spewing out the decay of the ancient world.

Allegorical enough for you?

I have a terrible sunburn--the kind where I want to pickle myself in hopes of regaining some concentration of moisture. This is my fault--I was riding without a jacket, wearing only a tank top. With a lowish back. Ow.

This morning, the internet was down. So, I went back to bed. I got up. It was still down. I called the Cable Nazis. They said, "We can have someone out between 11 am today and Saturday at nine pm. Do not leave your house during this time." Natch.

The guy comes (surprisingly) at noon. Good. He comes in, he plays with the cat, looks at the motorcycle pictures, wanders around the home, and then decides to take a looky at the computer. He replaces the modem, and after twenty minutes of talking to his girlfriend on his cell phone and his dispatch lady on his work phone, he gets the internet up. Yay!

Oh, but then! Churlish me goes and asks aloud why the network doesn't seem to be working (we have two computers here because of my need to work (ie: BLOG) all the time and Michael's need to read motorcycle forums constantly). And my new friend, the cable guy, who has now dug through the fridge for a Capri-Sun and a Fruit Roll-Up, has the nerve to tell me that an additional network hook-up will cost one hundred dollars and an extra fifty bucks a month for service.

"Why?" I ask. "It's MY internet. They're MY computers. It's MY router. Why should I pay extra?"
"Mmmph," he says, swallowing his roll-up, "They do everyone like that."
"I refuse to pay it. Try to re-hook it up for me, would ya?" I plead.
"Mmmmph," he says, "Can't do that. Unethical, and stuff. Say, you got a hotdog in the fridge, there?"

Michael and I are VERY UNHAPPY with this cable company. It is a big fat RIP-OFF and we will be doing everything we can to avoid paying a network fee to NETWORK our own computers. Stupid, stupid, stupid....

So, I decide (now that I have kicked my new friend out of the apartment) to go on-line and start getting reservations ready for this wedding coming up. And I'm at my wit's end. I won't go into detail but it has to do with MONEY and SPACE and ROOMS and POSSIBLE RAIN and BACK-UP SPACE and DID I MENTION MONEY???

There is a strong liklihood that Fritz is going to wind up being married in her fifteen hundred dollar gown inside a shabby hotel room, where guests will sit on the bed and the window will look out over a dank parking lot. Really. It's that bad. Because the only hotels with half-way decent suites that don't look like sets for bad horror movies are so swank that I can't even imagine...my whole budget would be blown just on rooms, alone.

I honestly feel like we would have been better off eloping. We just want to be MARRIED and have a HONEYMOON where we can bake on a beach and sip mai-tais and do the nasty and play golf and get a mud scrub and get AWAY from cable guys, computers, money problems and cell phones.


I JUST WANT TO ELOPE!!