Friday, April 21, 2006
"RESEARCH" is my middle name
Well, that's not true. I passed Statistics and Research Methods with a cool B. But that's because I kissed ass.

So, while I'm busy saving the mentally retarded/developmentally disabled population from Georgia from complete neglect, I decided to take on a side project.

Here are the results of my research (ie: fifteen minutes spent on Google).

Hypothesis: Poorly educated states produce more Republicans. Therefore, Republicans support ignorance and also keep their tax dollars in their pockets instead of sharing with educational systems.

Figure 1: A map of the state by state 2004 electoral party division.

Figure 2: A list of the education rankings in the United States:

1. Vermont
2. Connecticut
3. Massachusetts
4. New Jersey
5. Maine
6. Minnesota
7. Virginia
8. Wisconsin
9. Montana
10. New York
(Damn New Englanders, gettin' all damn smart and stuff, with their damn smart Ivy League schools and their weird accents and their clam chowder)
11. Pennsylvania
12. Nebraska
13. Kansas
14. Iowa
15. New Hampshire
16. Rhode Island
17. Wyoming
18. South Dakota
19. Maryland
20. North Dakota
(And shockingly, the Midwest steps up to the plate as the most looked-over, boring states around. I mean, does anyone really ever think about South Dakota? Anyone? I had a friend in college from South Dakota who went to a high school with twelve people in it.)
21. Missouri
22. North Carolina
23. Colorado
24. Texas
25. Delaware
26. Indiana
27. Michigan
28. Idaho
29. South Carolina
30. Washington
(Oh, hello, Michigan! You mean Detroit isn't helping the education rankings? Unbelievable).
31. Ohio
32. Illinois
33. Utah
34. West Virginia
35. Kentucky
36. Florida
37. Arkansas
38. Oregon
39. Oklahoma
40. Georgia
(Hey, Look! Illinois, my birth state, and Georgia are in the same tier! That's pathetic and sad. I've gotten stupider as I've aged, too, so perhaps this is indicative of downward sloping time released dis-intelligence)
41. Tennessee
42. Hawaii
43. Alabama
44. Alaska
45. Louisiana
46. California
47. Nevada
48. New Mexico
49. Mississippi
50. Arizona
(I hate Arizona. It's hot, it's filled with old people and John Wayne wannabe's, and it's dull. It's also stupid and racist. Let's just give it back to Mexico).

Okay, so California was waaaaay down there, and they're a blue state. Um. That kinda blew my hypothesis.

Shit. Well, I guess I better go back to work. However! From the same list, I can assert that Southerners are for the most part pretty dumb. Georgia, Tennessee, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana are all in a pathetic grouping in the lowest tiers of the rank. WooHoo! And those were all red states. So, in the South, Republicans are just dumbasses. I think I'll be sending my findings into M.I.T. or Yale. I'll publish this highly scholarly research study to great acclaim and be awarded the Nobel Prize.

Or, I'll just piss off another conservative.
Written by FRITZ
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Name: Fritz

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