Sunday, April 23, 2006
Furthering My Education
DISCLAIMER: This is my blog. I get to judge people. They judge me all the time. I do not make apologies for the nature of my judgment of the people who partake in the activities mentioned below.

So sue me. I'm curious.

I had to look at a Swinger's site, just to see what all this is about. Do people really have sex with other people while their partners condone it?

Apparently, yes.

So I went to Miami Velvet, a site about some swinger's club in Miami, and was intrigued to see the 'rules'. Because, you know, if you're going to swap wives, you better be moral about it:

Rules To Live By For a Guaranteed Great Time
* The Golden Rule: "NO means NO".

Anyone may say "NO" for any reason at any time even if you are in the middle of a swinging encounter and have changed your mind and want to stop it right there! If you are in a situation that makes you uncomfortable, just say "No". Do not jeopardize your happiness and satisfaction with this lifestyle, or that of your partner, by doing something against your will just because you are afraid to say no. The friendliest way is to say, "oh no thank you, but thanks for asking". Be honest initially, and you will avoid any misunderstandings. Don’t forget that people’s attitudes change and who knows? Maybe sometime in the future you may meet again with a different opinion.
FRITZ SAYS: So, it's okay to say, "No, I don't want to buckle myself into a harness and allow you to dust me with glitter while repeating the lyrics to 'I am The Walrus'". Pervert.
* Always treat one another with respect. After all, this is a party!!!! Besides, you don’t want to be rude or judgmental, because you wouldn’t want it to happen to you. If a single gentleman talks to you and you are interested in swinging with couples only, that doesn’t mean you can’t be nice to him. He’s a person just like you! Just politely let him know.
FRITZ SAYS: Because OBVIOUSLY, respect is swapping mates with one another. Now, THAT'S honorable.
* If you are rejected (and it happens to everyone, including women), Do NOT take personal offense. Rejection is a very personal thing, and it’s almost as hard to reject as it is to be rejected. Honesty with each other is crucial. Who knows? You could end up with a great friendship if you handle the situation right.
FRITZ SAYS: Like any of these horny perverted freaks reject anything or anyone. * Deal with jealousy head on! It is a normal reaction. Remember that this is strictly a physical & recreational pleasure, not an emotional one. Discover what triggers jealousy in your relationship and work it out together. It may mean modifying your activities, but your relationship together is not worth jeopardizing over swinging.
FRITZ SAYS: Hmm. Do you think you might get jealous watching your mate snogging the barmaid with double D's? Here's an idea: DON'T BE A SWINGER. Or are you suggesting that swingers can feel jealousy? Maybe it's not jealousy...maybe it's called a CONSCIENCE.
* Always let your steady partner know she/he is number one.
Arrive together, take time to caress them, touch base often, it makes one feel secure. And always leave together.
FRITZ SAYS: "Honey, you are number one, and that's why I want you to dance with a boa on the lap of that seventy-two year old retired banking executive while I chat up the stripper in the lounge. Love you!"
* Use your common sense and good judgment when you are involved in a swinging situation. Be kind, thoughtful, and sensitive. Swingers, couples & single guys are people and have feelings too!!!
FRITZ SAYS: Good judgment? Swapping partners?? STD'S???
* Honor any and all prior understandings & rules you have made between each other, and be sure to COMMUNICATE with each other openly and honestly so there are no misunderstandings about your rules.
FRITZ SAYS: "Love, it's okay for you to do the monkey twist in your birthday suit while shagging the neighbor's wife, but remember the rule! No kissing!"
* Respect the guidelines you set as a couple and communicate them to prospective partners.
Open, honest communication is imperative to forming relationships! And please don’t forget to respect the guidelines of others. Don’t try to "talk them into" changing the rules because you don’t happen to agree with them!
FRITZ SAYS: "I can do the monkey twist in my birthday suit while shagging you, Lois, but I can't kiss you."
* Pay attention to body language.
There is more to interaction than words. Consider the body language of the person you are talking with and it will tell you more than the conversation you are having! Be sensitive to the person and you will know what makes them uncomfortable or happy and excited.
FRITZ SAYS: What drunk idiot is actually going to pay attention to body language? In my experience, drunk idiots do NOT pay attention to body language; nay--they refute its existence and plunge ahead into whatever scheme their teeny little drunken brain cells have thought up as a ruse.
* Demand absolute discretion!
And be worthy of the same. Discretion is paramount in this lifestyle! Privacy is imperative!!! Never, ever discuss details inappropriately. Everything you do, everything you see, MUST remain private. Miami Velvet has a saying, "Everything you see here, Everything you hear here, must remain here when you leave here".
FRITZ SAYS: Please do not tell the congregation during the church social that Pastor Filth was canoodling with the poolboy in the Skin Lounge the night before.
Written by FRITZ
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Name: Fritz

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