A month from today shall be my birthday. I will be twenty-seven. Instead of depressingly recite what I have NOT accomplished on that day, I shall do so now, and save myself the agony of listing my life's woes.

THINGS I HAVE NOT DONE AND SHOULD HAVE, BEING (almost) 27.

1. Gone to grad school
2. Started a saving's account/401k/invested in stocks, etc.
3. Gone to Europe
4. Written a book of short stories
5. Joined a choir
6. Ran for public office
7. Lost enough weight to be considered 'healthy'
8. Quit smoking
9. Sung karaoke
10. Done long division in my head
11. Kept in touch with college friends
12. Gone on a spring break trip in college

THINGS I SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE AT ANY TIME IN MY LIFE (But I did, anyway)
1. Had a helluva lotta money manipulated away from me.
2. Eaten all that pizza last night
3. Talked badly about friends
4. Got fired from a job (but that's really for the better, so...)
5. Told Stacy Kettle in the second grade that I had a crush on Andy Prohaska. It was all over the bathroom stalls the next day at school.
6. Gone to clubs drunk in college
7. Eaten at one too many cheap Chinese buffets
8. Listened to Jewel
9. Shaved my armhairs
10. Slept through all Applied Math classes in college, resulting in a 'D'
11. Screwed over a coupla friends (who have been kind enough to forgive me)
12. Joined a cult at age seventeen (I got away!)

THINGS I HAVE MANAGED TO DO IN 26 YEARS AND CHANGE

1. Snag me a terrific man
2. Figure out what I believe about God
3. Dance in a small apartment
4. Make the perfect cup of coffee
5. Gone to England
6. Write some half-decent stuff
7. Blogged a whole helluva lot
8. Graduated from a top learning institute with a good grade point average
9. Read four books in two days
10. Recite the Nicene Creed without looking at the Book of Common Prayer
11. Avoid strip clubs and naughty magazines
12. Tell my parents how much I love them
13. Snag me a terrific man.

I suppose my life is NOT (as yet) a collossal failure. But I'm getting old and still feeling a bit lost. Touche! The next 27 years may be twice as interesting...we'll just have to see.