Monday, December 12, 2005
Holiday F@&ing Cheer
As the Year comes to an End, I wanted to take an opportunity to recognize and thanks those celebrities that have truly made an impact. Not just celebrities that adopt whole countries or save old men from flooding or donate ten million dollars to Katrina survivors. No, no. I want to recognize those individuals that led me to question the integrity and grit of the human race.

Without further ado, I would like to give a mention to:

Seth McFarland. Perhaps one of the funniest, insightful, and crass men out there, he took a football-headed baby and a fatass idiot and made them palatable.

Paris Hilton: Proof that all the money in the world will not prevent white trash from being white trash. Additionally proving that the skinniest bitch in the world can still have a rather large vulva. Thank you.

George Bush: A special thank-you for degrading and humiliating Americans everywhere. Not only were you able to insult the entire world, demolish American morale, and do absolutely NO GOOD in Iraq, but you also were completely fucking stupid whilst committing your business. Yea, America!

Tara Reid: Thank you for helping me dis-appreciate the Feminist movement. After all, all that choice and freedom and equality awarded to women has enabled you to get a job drinking and having sex with random men. I'm so sorry your show got cancelled.

Madonna: Thank you for proving to the world that even if you're getting old and stringy and your voice sounds like a bag of nails trapped beneath the seat of an old Chrysler, you can still get paid.

Any and all fat actresses. I beg you: stay that way.

Kanye West: While your rhyming skillz are pretty pathetic compared to the likes of Nas, A Tribe Called Quest, and House of Pain, I like the way you roll. "George Bush doesn't care about black people."

Tyra Banks: Gosh. Your boobs are real. You are a total dumbass. You have two vapid and unintelligent shows on a huge network. You 'retired' from modelling wearing a thong and glitter. You are trying to be Oprah. I would like to see you and Oprah in a wrestling match. My money is on the old cow.

and last, but certainly not least:

Katie Holmes. Thank you, Katie, for bringing your skinny, scraggly ass to Tom Cruise and make him (finally) go around the bend. Nicole couldn't manage it, however, I am convinced she gave it her best. You've let the nut out, AND you're carrying the anti-Christ. Good job! I pray your child is not born with bi-polar (like its father) or ADHD (requiring Ritalin). I also pray that one day, you will stop wearing children's clothing.
Written by FRITZ
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Name: Fritz

Location: Detroit Rock City!
Where the weak are killed and eaten

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    We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. Through the unknown, unremembered gate When the last of earth left to discover Is that which was the beginning; At the source of the longest river The voice of the hidden waterfall And the children in the apple-tree Not known, because not looked for But heard, half-heard, in the stillness Between two waves of the sea. Quick now, here, now, always— A condition of complete simplicity (Costing not less than everything) And all shall be well and All manner of thing shall be well When the tongues of flame are in-folded Into the crowned knot of fire And the fire and the rose are one. -T.S. Eliot "Little Gidding"

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