Friday, December 09, 2005
Other Concerns
A recent transcription of communique between the Downstairs Neighbor and Myself.

Dear Downstairs Neighbor:
I've given you three smokes to date and you have yet to thank me properly. Additionally, you park that bejeezus beast right behind our driveway, making it very difficult for Michael and I to maneuver our so-cute eco-friendly cars out and in. Additionally, you listen to my conversations with myself while I'm smoking on the porch. I will begin a very interesting discourse with myself, and only half-way through do you make your presence beneath me known by clearing your throat. This is simply rude. There are certain by-lines you must adhere to when it comes to apartment living. Please consider these complaints and change these behaviors. I am not asking for much; I simply desire peaceful dwelling within these confines.
Yours,
Fritz

the response I received....

Dear Fritz:
I'll take your opinions under consideration, however, I too have a complaint. When you and your boyfriend are in the throes of passion, would you be kind enough to close your bedroom window? Even though the blinds are down, I can hear everything.
Thanks,
Downstairs Neighbor Dude.

and my return letter:

Dear Downstairs Neighbor:
Pervert! I should call the cops on you, you slimy intestinal track! Forget it! I'm never sharing a smoke with you again!
Yours Sincerely,
Fritz

and lastly:

Fritz:
It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the loud smacking sounds that sound A LOT like someone getting spanked. Often.
D.N.D.
***
I guess he might have a point.
Written by FRITZ
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Name: Fritz

Location: Detroit Rock City!
Where the weak are killed and eaten

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