PEOPLE MESS WITH ME...AND I DON'T KNOW WHY
1. I carry a firearm which I shoot very poorly
3. I ride a motorcycle
4. When I ride, it's like Thor's Valkyries have been unleashed upon the Earth, and you damn well better not cut me off or I will be up your ass like white on rice
5. If you have a Bush/Cheney sticker on your SUV and you cut me off, it's double trouble--since you are:
A. Supporting Terrorism
B. Your triple ton vehicle is gonna kill me if you list over in my lane while talking on that damn cellphone; AND
C. This is not directed at Heather
6. No offense to you moms out there, but your kid IS NOT more precious than my ass--especially if they are encased in metal and I'm encased in leather.
7. I have five tattoos. One is on my ribcage. You get a tattoo on your ribcage and tell me you didn't cry. I didn't cry.
8. I smoke and curse.
9. My cat is a she-demon. And she loves me.
10. My man can beat your man up.
11. My man doesn't like it when people mess with me.
12. I got hair extensions. That made me cry. Ouch.
13. I have more piercings than you can shake a stick at. NO, not there.
15. I used to supervise convicted felons in North Atlanta...by myself...at night...with no back-up units except God's protection
16. I'm a hard-core liberal
17. In college, I actually had dredlocks. Real ones.
18. In college, I took two post-graduate level classes in theology. I can talk a Baptist out of a whorehouse.
19. I have a knock-off Prada bag that looks so real, yuppies at Pottery Barn shake my hand
20. I used to weight-lift and grew deltoids like she-hulk.
21. I'm as strong as an ox.
22. I'm as gentle as a doe. Except on my motorcycle. All bets are off when I'm on my bike.
