Sunday, August 28, 2005
What Life Would Be Like...
Have you ever wondered what your life would be life weren't fat? Weren't skinny? Weren't a redhead? Weren't a drug addict?

If you have not wondered these things you are 1. Crazy or B. Buddhist.

I just hopped over to Spinning Girl's site. She's really popular. I guess she is part of the London Zoo Human Exhibit, but who can say for sure? I know she is really popular amongst bloggers because she is witty, intelligent, friendly, and a little wierd.

She has recently taken a picture of her feet. My first thought was: How the hell did she get so much of her legs in the picture? Because she's thin, and her breasts don't balloon over every inch of her body the way mine do. My second thought was: My God, she has skinny feet. You can compare our feet at the bottom of my site, since we're both apparently strange enough to photograph our feet. And then I saw that whole picture of the Human Zoo exhibit, and how skinny she is (if that's really her), and I thought, "What is her life like?"

See, I'm a fatty. I try to say things to myself to make myself feel better, like, "You just have a big frame," or "It's your lower half that needs work, not your upper half." But the simple, plain, God's honest truth is: I'm overwieght. By a lot. And I need to lose weight, quickly.
I've been a fatty my whole life except for my seventeenth year; somehow, I found the money to join Jenny Craig and lost fifty or sixty pounds (I can't remember). I got down to 125 pounds and I looked sick. But My God, I was thin. And when I lost all that weight, I looked in the mirror and realized what a beautiful face I had. Really. I'm not just saying; I mean, I have the classic looks of old-time movie actresses. Naturally blonde hair, round lips, big green eyes shadowed by long eyelashes, and good facial proportions. In short, I was a hottie.

I got a lot of attention from guys. When I went shopping, people came out to greet me and were warm and friendly. When I went exercising, older guys asked me out on dates.

And then, I got fat again. Now, I'm the largest I've ever been in my life, and I am disgusted with myself. Last week I lost five pounds, since Michael and I are both on diets. This week, I didn't lose anything. This is going to be me for the rest of my life--struggling to not hate my fat and not kill myself with food.

So, I read Spinning Girl's site and immediately got jealous of her wit, intelligence, and oddly enough, her FEET. And then, I scrolled down some more. Spinning Girl beautifully talks of her sobriety; it seems for many a year, she was an alcoholic. I bet when she first recovered, she asked herself, "What would life be like if I were sober?" And sober folks wouldn't really be able to describe it to her. She's the only one who could find out that information.

In conclusion, I'm working toward that girl I was--with long blonde hair, a bodacious body, and green eyes the size of marbles. But more importantly, I'm remembering that life is what I make of it, not what it would be like if...

My One Fat Foot...and the eclipse of my rather large head

Spinning Girl's Skinny Feet...
Written by FRITZ
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Name: Fritz

Location: Detroit Rock City!
Where the weak are killed and eaten

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What My Brain is Eating
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    What I Live By:
    We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. Through the unknown, unremembered gate When the last of earth left to discover Is that which was the beginning; At the source of the longest river The voice of the hidden waterfall And the children in the apple-tree Not known, because not looked for But heard, half-heard, in the stillness Between two waves of the sea. Quick now, here, now, always— A condition of complete simplicity (Costing not less than everything) And all shall be well and All manner of thing shall be well When the tongues of flame are in-folded Into the crowned knot of fire And the fire and the rose are one. -T.S. Eliot "Little Gidding"

    I Heart Tits


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