Saturday, December 03, 2005
Let's Talk About SEX
Through a blog loop, I found this interesting journey of sexuality. Being a smallish prude, I was affronted and intrigued, all at once. Of course, I was also jealous of chelsea girl's physique. Regardless, it got me thinking about sex.

Something else that got me thinking about sex was ligers and tigons. Maybe you think I'm kidding, but Napoleon Dynamite was correct. There are such things as ligers and tigons. Where was I when this happened? Regardless. It got me thinking about sex.

Then, I watched Discovery channel (again). A show was on guessed it. Human sex. Here are some facts that should be purged immediatley upon consumption:

1. Proportionately, the human male's penis is largest among mammals. This has something to do with walking upright and being able to sustain erection and other sorts of biological amazements.

2. The human male is the only mammal that does not actually have a bone in the penis. It becomes aroused thanks to nitris oxide and blood rushing to release tense muscles. A limp penis is actually a tense penis. Also: the shorter the limp penis, the longer it will grow. Perhaps George Costanza was onto something when he blamed the shrinkage.

3. The clitoris is the only human organ dedicated for one purpose: sexual pleasure. There are approxiamately 8 thousand nerve endings in a clitoris, double that of the amount found at the head of a penis.

4. Thank goodness for my fat deposits. You know--those things on my chest, the big round melons? Yeah, they can save my life, and that of my baby, during lean times. But we knew that. Anyway. Onward.

There are scientists in this world that don't only want to capitalize on the hybrids of lions and tigers. No, no. Some scientists would like to push it a little farther. How about humanzees? A human has 46 chromosomes. A chimpanzee has 48. We share close to 99% of the same genetic, DNA material as a chimp. Some lonely scientist out there is thinking about it. He hasn't gotten laid...ever. So what's his idea? "I'll show them! I don't NEED a human female to mate! I've got all sorts of lovely female monkeys at my disposal!" How many hybrids are out there, folks? And what are the moral implications of this? And can we soon expect to supercede sex with science?

Yeah. I didn't think so, either.
So, I borrowed Michael for some experiments. They were quite successful. I proved my OWN point, which is that Michael and I enjoy sex at EXACTLY the same rate...quite a boisterous amount of activity followed by quiet time spent speculating about our perspective positions in the universe. This covers all the bases.

I don't need to really go into the details of our sex life. One, I wouldn't presume you enjoy the same things we enjoy. Two, I don't really know if that's fodder for good blogging, because it goes to the basest of human intellect. Truly, sex is facsinating by its anthropological and biological aspects, but smut is smut is smut.

So, while I encourage you, dear reader, to think about your role as a sexual beast, I would also encourage you to remember why we are greater than the scientist wanting to mate with a chimp. While our bodies make harmony and pleasure, our minds are rife for a different kind of harvesting. I'll leave you with a one thought from Jay of "Clerks."

"What's up, sluts?"
Written by FRITZ
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Name: Fritz

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    What I Live By:
    We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. Through the unknown, unremembered gate When the last of earth left to discover Is that which was the beginning; At the source of the longest river The voice of the hidden waterfall And the children in the apple-tree Not known, because not looked for But heard, half-heard, in the stillness Between two waves of the sea. Quick now, here, now, always— A condition of complete simplicity (Costing not less than everything) And all shall be well and All manner of thing shall be well When the tongues of flame are in-folded Into the crowned knot of fire And the fire and the rose are one. -T.S. Eliot "Little Gidding"

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