I know many of you are interested in my unemployment issue. I have come to a point now where I no longer can cry about this issue and must mock it, instead. As stated previously, I was denied my unemployment benefits by the GDC. I did have a lengthy chat with unemployment last week, and got a letter in the mail that I was, in fact, approved. It was supposed to go right into my account. It didn't. So, I called unemployment again, today.

Here is the telephone conversation that ensued:

Bureaucrat: "Hello?" (Strong Spanish accent)
Me: "Yes, hello. I thought my benefits were approved, but I haven't seen the money."
B: "Ohhhhkay. Let me see..." (Furious typing) "Yes! You were approved last month."
M: "Mmmhmmm. So, where is the money?"
B: "Ohhh, I see here. You were approved but then unapproved."
M: "Huh?"
B: "Apparently, GDC re-denied your claim."
M: "Can they do that?"
B: "Oh, yes. You see, we initially approved you, but then they took it back."
M: "Took it back?"
B: "Well, they did not respond as quick as we did."
M: "Why not?"
B:...."Let me talk to my supervisor and call you back."
M: "Okay."
Click! Panic sets in, panic sets in....
RING!
M: "Hello?"
B: "Yes, this is the green card holder who works for the Department of Labor..."
M: "Yeah, yeah, what's going on?"
B: "Oh, they did deny it. It overrides our decision. You have fifteen days to make an appeal."
M: "How can they do that?"
B: "So, you can fax the letter to us, or mail it, or you can even come down to the office! And then, you go to hearing. You go to hearing where they tell you to, and you state your case. Okay? Si? Okay, have a good day!"
Click.

Now, let the laughing begin in earnest. I'm broke. I can't get unemployment. The temp agencies haven't called with job offers. I have one decent shot with the interview tomorrow, but no prospects after that. Bills have gone unpaid.

I've written to the Electronic Frontier Foundation for help. I've emailed Creative Loafing , an Atlanta mag that focuses on independent and liberal news, for publishment of my issues. I've called my boyfriend at work who tells me to not panic, I'll get the job. I've gone to lunch with two priests for spiritual health reasons. I've spoken to one attorney who told me I shot myself in the foot. I've asked my parents for help with an attorney and have also been denied that claim. I've asked the cat for some words of advice, and she won't talk. I've contacted local senators who have failed to understand that Free Speech is still a right. I've emailed the ACLU. I've asked Philip Morris for sympathy cigarettes to no avail (those bastards...you give 'em five thousand dollars a year and they can't donate a carton?). I asked the Health Clinic if I could get some Zoloft and they told me only if I don't have a college education and am burdened with three or four illigitimate children.

So, here's my request: Please send cigarettes and an attorney. Please. And laugh with me, or I might just start crying again.