Every morning, I stub my toe on the edge of this catastrophic contraption called a 'bed' in IKEA language.

I spend more money on Starbuck's than most people's annual earnings in Algeria. I am also thinking about bankruptcy.

I have a motorcycle that is bright yellow. I've never liked yellow.

I don't have mad skillz. Period. And quite honestly, if I see someone type that or pronounce that phrase one more time, I might just get jiggy with them. Put that stupid cliche to rest, please. k, thx.

I have a total of 11 friends. That's quite a lot when all I do is knit and blog. And I'm not counting blog friends. That's a different category. I have four blog friends. I officially suck.

No, I really am thinking about bankruptcy, because I'm a social worker. And social workers are stupid.

I have a competition with myself every morning to see what kind of outfit I can wear without repeating something from the last four weeks. That is why I wind up wearing argyle socks, gauchos, and a poncho on any given day.

I have hair jealousy. I'm jealous of men with no hair.

Frequently, I think that the cat serves more purpose than I do.

Yesterday, I fell up while climbing into the Jeep. You try it. It doesn't feel pleasant and it takes an extremely good lack of coordination.

I would like to be a vegan so that I can seem hip when I meet new people. That is the only reason why I am considering it. Wow. What a toolish thing to say.

I'm tired of men. In general. I found the perfect one, and a few of the somewhat palatable. The rest would make that former comment a sick joke, and that is why I am tired of men.

I was told today that I look 35. I'm 28. This is not a good indication of what is to come.

I have an ass that competes for solar energy with most other living organisms. This makes me unattractive and unfriendly to the weakening ecology.

And finally, I dream of selling every last single thing I own, packing up a bag, and talking my husband into living the life of a gypsy. Financially, it would be a wise decision. Emotionally, it would be rewarding. And let's face it. I could use the exercise.