Well, I got her beat. It seems the corporate monsters of the Goth world have gone one step further, and are also incorporating my all-time-favorite-synth-pop-band, VNV Nation. You probably haven't heard of them. Despite my knitting habit and my collection of Old Navy clothes, I am a true Gothette, and know more about Goth bands than a suicidal rugrat at a Marilyn Manson concert.

Therefore, I am disgusted and excited to announce the 2007 Gothic Cruise.

Yes, friends, coming all the way from VampireRave.com, I am thrilled to announce that a bunch of goth lovers are going to the Sunny Caribbean for a festival of blood, death, and suntan lotion. While cruising the small isles of the Southern Seas and basking in the relaxing waters of Cozumel, Costa Maya, Belize, and Nassau (Bahamas), one will also be able to listen to the relaxing sounds of post-industrial dark-rave music of VNV Nation.

While the palm of my hand is constantly beating my forehead in absolute horror, I can only imagine a bunch of really pasty white girls covering themselves in black mesh to keep the sun off of their delicate complexions. The absolute irony of the Goth Cruise is not lost on me, no. I am also thrilled to see that the cabins of the Carnival ship are all decorated in pastels.

Pastels, people.

The quintessential cherry on top of this lovely dark, bleeding cake of goth-ness is that this cruise would be the fourth Goth Cruise to date. Somewhere in the world, heroine-sheik girls wearing gas masks are commenting on MySpace pages, chatting about what black bikini to pack and how vinyl combat boots are not always great for the beach.

I'm so glad that in about four days, I will be in the dreary winter land of Detroit, driving by the great fiery towers of steel mills, pondering the ultimate depressive reality that is a city of industry, pipes, and pollution. I guess even vampires need some fun in the sun.

(In April, we are going to see VNV Nation in a truly appropriate venue, St. Andrew's Hall. This is also home to The Shelter, where Eminem got his start. But we'll be upstairs, rocking our own collection of vinyl boots and bustiers and gas masks)