So, I'm up at four a.m. because I'm absolutely roasting, and I step outside to get cold and have a smoke and I wind up sweating. It's January, people. This is heinous.

Sleep escapes me completely at this point, as I'm incapable of shutting my brain off. Here, I'll tell you all why.

Firstly, thanks to those of you who've come 'round, knocked on the door, stuffed a few presents through the mailbox slot, and left sadly. I've been home. I've just been in my pajamas and haven't wanted anyone to see what a miserable, cantankerous old stuffshirt I can be. So, I haven't been blogging or thinking or really doing much of anything except eating. That, on the other hand, I've been doing quite well and now my pants are all about to split, so eventually, I'm going to have to get off my ass and go to the doctor and inquire about gastric bypass surgery and lose about one hundred and seventy-five pounds (exaggerated) before I suffer from a heart attack and an aneurysm and die at the tender age of 28 from obesity. I should probably quit smoking, too, but that's a freakin' long shot.

So, how's everyone's New Year going? Good? Excellent.

As many of you know, we bought this house-thingy, and I've not even put pictures up because the house needs so much work and I'm EMBARRASSED and ASHAMED of it. And I've been too lazy to blog, so that explains some of it, as well. Let's see.

Bought the house in late November. Then, Christmas came. Got a lot of yarn and some lumps of coal--very OLD coal, by the way--the stuff that has turned to sparkles. No, don't worry, conscientious people of the world. I read somewhere that diamonds sold for jewelry are mostly from Australia, and are not the blood diamonds of the Sierra Leone/Ivory Coast. I hope Australia doesn't use aborigines to mine diamonds. Hopefully, they just overwork and underpay plain old Australians to do the diamond mining. Of course, I could just be telling myself this to make me feel better about wearing rocks in my ears. I'm sure I should be ashamed but I love my diamonds. Not because they are diamonds--I would have loved anything Michael gave me. I love them because my husband listens to me even when I am babbling and I don't think anyone else is around. See, because I also got a Swift and a Ball winder, and that's all about Michael listening, too. So my yarn room and stash is flourishing. I should take a picture of that room. It is a haven of knitting and relaxation.

I should also take a picture of it because in one month, I won't have it anymore. No, not because we will be redecorating for Baby--I'm not pregnant. I won't have it anymore because we are moving to Michigan.

Did you guys hear me? I'm moving out of the South to Michigan. Detroit area, actually. Where Michael is from.

See, this is how Murphy's Law works: you buy a house and then your company tells you that you are the best worker ever and they want you to stay put and climb the corporate ladder and they customize a promotion for you. And you get all thrilled and stuff, thinking about how far you've come since your days as an unappreciated probation officer, and you think about how this fairly modest raise will make life a little bit easier and you can afford more yarn and cute fix-its for the house. And then your husband comes home and says: "Honey, what about a twenty-five percent raise, huge commission, car allowance and a life up North?"

Well, what the hell else do you say if you're from Chicago and miss the Mid-West? You say, "Okay." And then you think about the negatives for a really long time, like how two of your best friends live in Atlanta and your parents are an hour away and how much you love the knit group you started and how you can motorcycle nine out of the twelve months and how you bought a house....did I mention that WE JUST BOUGHT A HOUSE? And your husband says, "We will make sure you visit your friends OFTEN and we will find another home up north that is built better and has original coved ceilings and hardwood floors throughout" because believe it or not, folks, housing is cheaper up North than down South. You take a trip to the area you would move to and find a walkable downtown and parks and people who smile a lot and a handful of prostitutes and bodies of water and the MIDWEST, and you know that you are home.

And you are six hours away from Chicago.

And your husband is excited.

And you love the North and detest the South.

We're moving in February.

So, I've likened this move to the whole picture that is life since I got married. Fast-forward. Living in the fast lane. Running with the bulls, etc, etc. Grabbing life by the horn, possibly cheating something or someone out of a good time, laughing in the face of logic, gambling at the great big game of Life.

There's a lot of cliches for life-changes. Somehow, none of them are striking at the truth of this. I'll keep everyone posted. Until then, for those of you are having a real winter, I hope you are very cold. I am very warm. We are killing our Earth.

I hear Michigan gets cold. I only hope that's true.