In lieu of women's history month, I did an investigation into women's hygeine at the local health spa I recently joined.
Here are my findings:

1. Women comb their hair with their fingers, pulling out clods of the stuff, and then wipe the disgusting knots on the shower walls.
2. Women (mothers) apparently think the rest of the world WANTS to see children's genitalia. There are so many naked girls and boys running around the locker room, you'd think it was a love-in at Woodstock.
3. Women belch loudly in the showers without excusing themselves. Apparently, the thin veil of steam and water can disguise a full fledged beer burp.
4. Women stink. To high heaven.
5. Women walk around nude, boobs and cellulite flopping everywhere, and then stare at the chick with lots of tattoos like SHE'S a threat.
6. Women who are skinny think that gives them extra leverage with the nudity. These chicks drape themselves all over the locker room in provocative positions, as if to say, "Hey, fatty. You'll never have breasts that sit as high as these puppies."
7. Women like to talk to their friends in the shower at full volume. It would seem they believe that everyone else in the showers would like to hear about husbands' prostate glands.
8. Women peel off band-aids and leave them on sink counters.
9. Women are pretty much disgusting.
10. Women really do have a hard time finding fault with their own spawn. Small chipmunk voiced children are encouraged to sing, dance, and pee in the showers.

Well. This really isn't very encouraging. I'm starting to get the heebie-jeebies everytime I walk into the gym. It'd be pretty sad if I get foot rot and Hepatitis A,B,or C from a health spa.

Ewww.