Friday, November 04, 2005
There are certain places I will not step foot into.

Each one of these stores represents a horrid, horrid memory for me. Each memory involves S and M Spinster. She is a horrible influence on me.

The Dollar General Episode remains one of the touchiest nostalgic moments in our friendship. S and M has a strange desire to shop at all places involving bins, irregulars, and bulk purchases. Often luring me out to 'shop' with her, promising 'five minute looks' in stores that I hate, I wind up at her side, perusing aisles of crap for crap to buy. S and M likes to buy cheap candy and push it off on her friends. She's attracted to cute pink fuzzy things that have absolutely no purpose than to annoy the shit out of me. It is during these moments that I remind her of her Polish ancestry. She takes these rubs well, as she knows I am defenseless to her bargain shopping. But let me tell you, I would rather put a hole in my head than wander around Big Lots with women in hair curlers and rather stinky alcoholics looking for the toilet paper deals.

So, off we go 'for just a minute' to Dollar General.

S and M Spinster and I have some very different ideas about lots of things, and this is just fine. However, during the trip over to the Dollar General, we were talking about praying, I think, and being spiritual or something. And I was saying that there is nothing wrong with praying, and maybe we shouldn't pick on people who pray a lot, and that I pray. And she started mocking me, in her cute way. I wasn't really upset, but as we started meandering the crowded, dank shelves of the Dollar General, we continued our conversation. Of course, sarcasm, my best weapon, came out at some point, and I said, "Oh, okay, well then I'm just going to be totally irreverent and say 'Screw God' and then hope everything works out well for me."
And, being the snarky bitch she is, S and M mockingly said, "GASP! How dare you speak of Our Father like that?"
And this woman on the OTHER SIDE of the shelf came around and looked at me and said, "You know, you don't have to be disrespectful of people's beliefs. I pray all the time. God brought me through addiction, and abuse, and all sorts of horrible things. Your friend is right. You shouldn't be so sacrilegious!"

I stood there, slackjawed. Damn that S and M Spinster! DAMN HER! I was still fuming while we stood in line to check out. The woman who was so incensed was in front of us. She tried to pay for her ten dollar purchases with a bad check, and the cashier caught it. The lady glared at me (like this was my fault for her getting caught at being a criminal) and said, "Well, I'll just have to get another checkbook from the car." She took off and did not return. Of course, this made me even angrier, and sent S and M into gales of laughter. "See, look how spiritual SHE was!" S and M laughed while paying fifteen dollars for some kitsch.

This is the kind of crap that happens to me at bargain stores.

Shortly after this, S and M talked me into going into some crappy flea market store. As soon as we entered, I looked around at the tacky shit filling up every spare inch of space and knew I was in for it. S and M would take THREE HOURS to go through this dump.
"That's it," I said as we entered, "We're splitting up."
I walked off in a huff.
S and M was left standing at the front, with three old ladies staring at her.
Yup, they thought they had just seen a lesbian breakup. We had to leave immediately, because S and M was embarrassed.

Needless to say, we don't go to Bargain stores together anymore.
Written by FRITZ
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Name: Fritz

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