Okay, you see the toe next to the pinky toe? Look, I'm a hyperchondriac. I got bit by a red ant and a mosquito on the same day on THE SAME TOE. It's swollen and tingly. I put antibiotic stuff on it, but I'm convinced I now have malaria and some kind of ant-transmitted encephalitis. This toe is going to fall off. It itches so much that I keep dragging it across the carpet the way a dog scratches its behinds when it has fleas. I don't have fleas, I just have really bad luck. So, if I get Lyme disease and malaria and TB tomorrow and don't post, you'll know it is because I am in the hospital, dying of a diseased toe. It's the kind of itching that will drive you crazy. It looks like a sausage...a chorizo in bright red casing. You know, people call me paranoid. I say I'm perceptive. Wouldn't you know Michael is on a business trip? I'm going to have to call the ambulance and go the hospital alone. Don't look at my pedicure. It needs help, too. Please pray for me when I'm in the oxygen tent, begging for a cigarette...