I was at Starfucker's today, getting my usual dose of over-priced caffiene which will most assuredly kill me in the end, when this asshole sidled up to the counter, asked for a cup of coffee, and began berating the barista (or whatever the hell coffee people call themselves) because she asked him 'too many questions'. That's what he said, right there in front of Allah and everyone: "I come in here every morning, and no one has ever asked me this many questions! Just give me the damn coffee!"

It was 7 o'clock in the morning.

Really?

Who has the energy to be such a dick that early in the morning?

I saw him climb into his (big fucking surprise) huge goddam SUV. From there, he clipped his bluetooth thingy on his ear, put the car in reverse, and almost mowed down two old ladies walking into the store. Instead of doing the easy thing (stick his pinhead out the window and say "Oh, man, am I sorry!"), he honked at them. Honked! As though it was their fault to be standing near his gigantor vehicle! The bastard!

I ran outside with my coffee and threw my coffee on the back of his car. Not the cup, just the fluid. He didn't stop, probably because he didn't see me, but if he had, he would have seen my angry face. It's serious, people. I look like a gladiator when I put on my angry face. I've broken up a lot of fights at strip clubs with my angry face. But he didn't see my angry face, because his booster seat wasn't tall enough for him to look out the rear-view window.

I went back into the Starfucker's and asked for another cup of coffee (but using the same cup--after all, I am conscious of our depleted Earth).

Do you know, I didn't even get a free cup of coffee? After defending the honor of two old ladies and a barista, I couldn't even get a refill?

What the hell is wrong with people?

And now, for something completely different:

I hate that show Little People, Big World. Just because you need a footstool to get up to the sink does not make you worthy enough to have your own damn television show. If you're all about being included, then stop exploiting your 'handicap'. You're just short, you're not miraculous.