Friday, March 31, 2006
iTunes is the Opiate of the Masses
Karl Marx himself said it.

So, I turned to iTunes (like great ones before me [Tits McGee, Kendra, Jiggs Casey]) and asked of the iTunes to read my palm through my iPod. Wired stuff.

(To contact the great Jabba the Hut of Psychics via iTunes, put it on party shuffle and start asking questions).

1. How does the world see you? Here Comes Your Man--The Pixies.
Great. I always knew these broad shoulders would be the death of me.

2. Will I have a happy life? Save My Soul--Gabriel and Dresden
I don't even know where to begin with this one.

3. How do my friends see me? Big Me--The Foo Fighters
See? I said I was a big girl!

4. Do people secretly lust after me? Lullabye--Ben Folds Five
Well, that just doesn't even make sense.

5. How can I make myself happy? Roses--Kayne West
And they do make me happy.

6. What should I do with my life? Endless Skies--VNV Nation
Hmm. This is rather philosophical. It requires a cigarette and a brief respite from life, dwelling on the intangible. Subtly, the most meaningful answer out there. iTunes IS God. Weird.

7. Will I have children? Jeux interdits--Chopin
This is loosely translated into 'Prohibited play'. I guess I'm not having kids. Which means I get more cool clothes for myself.

8. What is some good advice for me? Rock Your Socks Off--Tenacious D.

9. How will I be remembered? Anonymous Skulls--Medeski, Martin, and Wood
Leave it to that trio to name me for what I am.

10. What is my signature dancing song? The KKK Took My Baby Away--The Ramones
Music baffles me.

11. What do I think my signature song is? Dream A Little Dream of Me--Billie Holiday
I'm always dreaming, if I do say so myself. And I do.

12. What does everyone else think my signature song is? How Soon is Now--The Smiths
There is always a chance that when I say "I'm leaving soon," people can hope "soon" means "now"?

13. What song will play at my funeral? Until the Sun Turns Black--Ray Lamontagne
Beautiful. I'm not worthy of this answer.

14.What kind of women do I like? Dead Stars--Covenant
Yes! Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, all the classic betties. I DO like Dead Stars!

15. What will my day be like? Queen of the Night--Maria Callas (From The Magic Flute) Oooo, time to get out the handcuffs!

So, the next time I'm debating life-altering choices, flowers for the wedding, or what to name my next pet, I'm going to iTunes.

Written by FRITZ
| Link | 13 wise cracks! |

Name: Fritz

Location: Detroit Rock City!
Where the weak are killed and eaten

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    What I Live By:
    We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. Through the unknown, unremembered gate When the last of earth left to discover Is that which was the beginning; At the source of the longest river The voice of the hidden waterfall And the children in the apple-tree Not known, because not looked for But heard, half-heard, in the stillness Between two waves of the sea. Quick now, here, now, always— A condition of complete simplicity (Costing not less than everything) And all shall be well and All manner of thing shall be well When the tongues of flame are in-folded Into the crowned knot of fire And the fire and the rose are one. -T.S. Eliot "Little Gidding"

    I Heart Tits


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