Ode to Delilah

Delilah, you are screwed up.
You run about like a wind-up toy
until you hit the wall with your head.
And for awhile, you are quiet.

Then, you yowl for hours upon hours
and bite my leg over and over in the same spot
because you cannot reach any higher.
After snacking on my skin, you drink
water out of the toilet
and fall asleep in the bathtub.

People remember you more than me.
They ask, "How is your crazy cat?" and say
mildly patronizing comments.
"You know craziness is catching!"
As if I could ever be as mind-numbingly
insane as you, dear cat.

My father calls you 'she-demon from hell'
and that is an accurate description.
Sometimes, I wish you would fall
into a catatonic state, and I could write
an article about it and get paid a lot of money.

But, no.

You persist on being
the most annoying mammal in the world.
Thank God I got you fixed
so that you would not reproduce.

Amen.