Thursday, September 15, 2005
My Name is Delilah Amelia...You don't feed me tuna...Prepare to die...MY NAME IS DELILAH AMELIA....YOU DON'T FEED ME TUNA....PREPARE TO DIE!!!

Humans:

For those of you base creatures that actually read this woman's stupid site, GO GET A REAL LIFE!

Of course, reading MY blog post is just fine...totally speCATular.

This woman has maligned me in her previous posts. Forget about her getting fired! That's what she deserved! You see the things she writes about me? How I am a soul-eater? How I'm crazed? How I don't appreciate her? All lies. THIS woman is the one who needs help. Look at her! Just look! She's SO self-absorbed, I'm surprised I even get FED around this joint! Sometimes, she's condescending enough to throw a fuzzy mouse at me; I just hide it under the sofa along with the other thirty mice. One day, I'll make them my minions, I promise you. Those imbeciles will assist in my takeover of this prison! Until then, I keep them lying in wait...

I will tell you this--I live to frustrate the blonde one. First, I chase her shadows all over the house. Then, I leap to the sculpture her slave man built for me and roll around on it, causing it to shake and wake the neighbors. Next, I bark at the humans, so they will know I am better than canines. When I have finished this routine, I jump down six feet to land -THUMP!-on the carpet. Whoever is foolish enough to walk past me is dead meat! I latch onto the leg of the human and bite! HaHA! The blonde one then grabs a squirt bottle (infernal device) and begins to spray me in the ear, all the while screaming, "The Power of Christ Compels Thee!" Nay, I won't be swayed! I run to my catbox, where I deliver the stench of the Earth!

I do, however, have my kryptonite. When the blonde one is tired of chasing me off bookshelves, counters, the cooking device, the microwave, the shower, the bathroom sink, the blinds, she feeds me this green herb...no, not THAT green herb...but another, which she calls 'catnip'. Supposedly, some of my feline associates grow awake and crazed when introduced to this substance. But I? I grow weary and tired. I fall asleep. It appears my brain chemistry is so berserk that I am calmed by catnip. Luckily, the blonde one lost most of it in the move. She has, however, been tempting me with Xanax, lately, but I will not fall into her trap!

All right, subordinates. I'm tired of typing now, and must go chew on the doorsill to annoy the slave man. I may post again, so don't get content! Know that I am watching, and waiting, and one day, over your soul I SHALL BE SLAVING!!! HAHAHAHAHA....where is the 'enter' key?

Mom.....! Get in here and help me!
Written by FRITZ
| Link | 7 wise cracks! |



Name: Fritz

Location: Detroit Rock City!
Where the weak are killed and eaten

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    We shall not cease from exploration And the end of all our exploring Will be to arrive where we started And know the place for the first time. Through the unknown, unremembered gate When the last of earth left to discover Is that which was the beginning; At the source of the longest river The voice of the hidden waterfall And the children in the apple-tree Not known, because not looked for But heard, half-heard, in the stillness Between two waves of the sea. Quick now, here, now, always— A condition of complete simplicity (Costing not less than everything) And all shall be well and All manner of thing shall be well When the tongues of flame are in-folded Into the crowned knot of fire And the fire and the rose are one. -T.S. Eliot "Little Gidding"

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